Seasons

Originally posted May 30, 2007

I am babysitting my 11 month old nephew today. Since my youngest child is 12, this is quite an adjustment for me, you know, being COMPLETELY out of control, having my schedule dictated by someone who weighs all of 18 lbs (although, my dog does a pretty good job of bossing me around, and she only weighs 11 lbs.) I decided that I would not even try to accomplish anything around the house today, (hard for me, being so type A and goal driven), just hang out with the baby and enjoy his sweet little company. So far, so good, but wow- am I exhausted. I read the other day about a 60 year old woman who just had twins through artificial insemination- what is she thinking!!! I mean, HELLO, there's a reason why God made menopause! In Ecclesiastes it says that there is a time and a season for every purpose under the sun, and let me tell you, I think that childbearing at the age of 60 is probably out of season! Which makes me start to think about what there might be in my life that is out of season. Maybe there are things that are too early, that I am trying to force along, or too late, that I need to just leave behind so I can move on.

My family and I are in between churches right now. It was a very difficult decision to leave our church, but something we knew we had to do. Because of some of the things we saw going on there, we are a little gun shy, guarded and apprehensive about jumping in anywhere new. We said from the beginning that we were going to take our time in finding the right place for our family. Still, we have an urge and a desire to be connected and "plugged in" again, for a chance to serve and fellowship. This past weekend we spoke with a friend who had left the same church shortly before we did, and he expressed the same exact sentiment. So there is the part of us that wants to hold back, and the part that wants to just move ahead. We want to get involved somewhere, but at the same time, it is really nice right now to not be committed to a bunch of committees and classes and events. We can just be.

When I talked to my husband about it the other day, I mentioned that I go through the same thing with my professional life (or lack of one.) Right now, my husband makes really good money & benefits and my oldest daughter has only one more year at home before she goes away to college, and I have the gift of time. I can stay home and not have to work like a fiend and really enjoy this time with my kids. I remind myself often of how blessed I am, how many women would love to be in my place. And yet...I want to work and be successful and ACCOMPLISH. It seems to go back to my post from a couple of days ago (May 25), why do I focus on what God isn't giving me, instead of what He IS giving me? I have time, but I want to work. When I am swamped with work, I just whine that I need more TIME.

It seems I spend most of my life living in the future, always looking forward to tomorrow, how it will be different and better. For today, I will enjoy the sweet little baby who is napping in the next room. I will enjoy my kids when they get home from school today. "THIS is the day that the Lord has made, I WILL rejoice and be glad in it!" (Psalm 118)